


Need You Here Beside Me (Always)

by bokutosdumptruck



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Car Accidents, First Love, First Year Hinata Shouyo, First Year Kageyama Tobio, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Minor Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Minor Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Minor Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, POV Kageyama Tobio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28351860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutosdumptruck/pseuds/bokutosdumptruck
Summary: “I need you to make me a promise. I know you’re gonna try and push everyone away, but please don’t. There are other people who care about you, Tobio. People who love you. Promise me you’ll let them help you.”(Or, the one in which Kageyama has to learn to live again.)
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	Need You Here Beside Me (Always)

**Author's Note:**

> major content warning for death and grief <3 please be kind to yourselves and proceed with caution

“We won, ‘Yama, we won!” Hinata cried as the ball landed with a loud smack against the wooden court floor, on the opposite side of the net standing in front of them. 

The final whistle blew and the referees let their red flags fly for the last time. Before he had time to think, Kageyama felt short legs rap around his torso and strong arms around his neck, as Hinata threw himself at him. 

“We won.” Hinata said again, into Kageyamas ear, much quieter this time. 

“We did it.” Kageyama whispered back, sounding slightly dazed but utterly euphoric, and buried his nose into Hinatas neck, not caring that it was slick with sweat from the game. 

“I always knew we could.” 

“You were amazing, Shoyo. You…flew.” 

“Because of you, Tobio.” Hinata beamed and looked up at him with so much care, so much love, in his wide, shinning eyes Kageyama couldn’t believe it was directed at him. It filled his chest with an odd tightness that he wanted to claw out immediately, but also sort of wanted to feel for the rest of his life. 

Choosing not to reply, he pressed his lips softly against those belonging to the boy he was still somehow holding up (despite just playing possibly the most gruelling game of his entire volleyball career) instead. 

They stayed in that position, with their lips conjoined, standing in the place that made them the happiest with the person who did the same, for as long as they possibly could. Which, personally, was a great deal shorter than Kagayama would have preferred. However, the whoops and the cheers and the wolf whistles coming from their excitable teammates were far too hard to ignore. 

“Seriously you two, do us all a favour and save it for the bedroom, would you?” Tsukkishima huffed with a dramatic roll of the eyes behind his glasses as they pulled back from one another and Kagayama lowered Hinata gently to the ground. 

“Come on, Tsukkishima. Its nothing we haven’t seen before, let them celebrate.” Diachi said, at the same time Noya and Tanaka started wiggling their eyes suggestively and screaming “They’ll be doing much more then that in the bedroom!”. 

“Oi. All of you, stop mucking around and line up. Now!” Came the sudden command from Coach Ukai, who stood with crossed arms on the side of the court. 

“Yes, Coach! Sorry, Coach!” The boys coursed in unison and bowed as well, for good measure - even though they knew he wasn’t really mad, and they probably didn’t need to. They could all very clearly see Ukai and Takeda’s matching red rimmed eyes, caused by the tears they had already shed over their teams victory, and the smiles they were currently both trying very hard to hide, even as they scolded the rowdy bunch. 

After lining up and saying their standard thank you and farewells to the opposing team and crowd, the team broke off and started to stretch, collect their gear, and make their way towards to bus that was waiting for them in the stadiums parking lot. 

“Me and Tanaka dibs the back seat!” Noya roared and sprinted in the direction of the vehicle, pushing past anyone who stood in front of him. 

“The backseat fits more than two people, you simpletons.” Tsukkishima sighed tiredly as he watched the short libero move. 

“Sit with me?” Kageyama ignored the chaos and asked Hinata, a rosy blush dusting his cheeks, stupidly shy considering they had been dating for many months now. 

“Of course!” Hinata shot him a crooked smile and grabbed his hand, threading their fingers together, giggling a little at the difference in size. Kageyama blushed ten shades darker. 

“D-dumbass. Don’t do embarrassing things like that in public.” He stammered, refusing to make eye contact with his boyfriend. 

“You were making out in a stadium full of people, like, ten seconds ago.” Suga pointed out from behind them. 

“You guys absolutely suck. I hate couples.” Tsukkishima muttered darkly, and glared at their conjoined hands. 

“Tsukki…we’ve been dating for longer then they have…” 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” 

“Alright, is everyone here?” Takeda clapped his hands in an attempt to draw attention toward him, as if he were standing at the front of his literature class and not a bus full of loud teenage boys. After counting the number of bodies currently inside of the bus, he gave a satisfied nod. 

“I just wanted to say a few words before we begin our drive back home.” He smiled, but it quickly dropped and shifted to an offended expression when there was a sudden chorus of protest and complaints at his words. 

“It won’t be long, I promise!” 

“Let the man talk for a minute.” Ukai let out gruffly, patting the pockets of his jacket in search of his lighter and a cigarette as he moved towards the door. 

“You just want him to stall so you can smoke outside before we go!” Noya cried as his eyes landed upon the movement of the coach’s hands. 

“Can it, shortie.” He said flatly and slammed the door behind him, leaving Noya pouting. 

“Um, never mind, don’t worry about it…we’ll just wait for him to finish and then go.” Takeda mumbled, rubbing at the back of his neck, embarrassed by the scene he had caused. 

“No, come on, it’s okay, Teach. Talk to us!” Suga encouraged kindly, then turned around to give Noya a death glare for stirring trouble. 

“I’m just…I’m just really proud of you guys!” Takeda took his glasses off as he begun, already tearing up. “You’ve all come so far, it’s been the greatest honor to watch it all happen, to maybe even help some of it happen. And for that - I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a part of this, for letting me feel as though I was finally doing something worth while. This is quite sad for a man of my age to admit, but I’ve never really had any family, or even friends, that have wanted to be close with me. God, it sounds corny but - you guys feel like the family I never had.” 

He let out a long exhale when finished, looking as though the weight of the world had just been lifted from off of his shoulders. The bus was silent for a few seconds, before erupting into complete mania. 

Tanaka, Noya, Hinata and Suga jumped out of their seats and threw themselves at Takeda, smothering him into a messy group hug. There wasn’t a dry eye in sight. Asahi was shamelessly blubbering into his handkerchief, and even Tsukkishima was sniffling slightly. 

“Alright, that’s enough. Everyone back in their seats, and buckle up!” Ukai ordered as he made his way back inside. The boys nodded bashfully and fell back into their seats. 

Hinata leaned tiredly against Kageyama once he had settled down. 

Almost as soon as the engine started and Ukai begun the long drive home, Hinata started to snore softly from where he rest upon Kageyama’s shoulder. 

Kageyama stared softly down at him, memorizing the way his skin and hair glowed golden underneath the afternoon light shining through the window so he could think back to it and daydream whenever he grew bored in class. Letting his own head fall back and rest upon the seat, he felt himself begin to drift off into a peaceful sleep, lulled by the sound of his lovers snuffling. 

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

He was woken by the sound of screaming. 

Screams, and sobs, and blood, and shattered glass. 

That was all the world around him had been reduced to. 

The bus, and his body, were at the wrong angle. 

Everything was wrong. 

“Hinata.” Kageyama rasped in a barely there voice. 

There was no reply. His panic rose. 

“Hinata!” He barked, as loud as he possibly could. 

“I’m here.” A tiny, broken voice whispered from beside of him. “I’m here, ‘Yama.” 

“Thank god.” Kageyama let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, nearly bursting into tears from the relief. 

His arm felt broken, bent awkwardly against his side. It didn’t matter. He reached it behind of Hinata’s back and pulled his frail frame closer, ignoring the screaming pain that the movement brought him. 

“Are you okay?” He squeezed Hinata as a hard as his injuries would allow, hoping it felt comforting for the other boy. 

Blood was rushing to his head. They were upside down, he realized now, only being held in place by their seat belts. 

“I…I don’t know.” Hinata admitted, sounding far away. “Are you? What happened?” 

“The bus must have crashed. We were both asleep.” Kageyama murmured, craning his neck around in an uncomfortable twist to try and see wether the others were still inside or not. None of them were there. 

“Hinata, we have to get out of here. Do you think you can move?”

“I think so, yeah.” Hinata replied, a little more alive then before, the familiar sound of inhuman determination seeping into his tone. Kageyama felt it light the blood inside of his veins on fire. 

“Good. Great. Okay.” He nodded, even though it was practically dark inside of the bus now and he nor Hinata could really see much. “We’re upside, so it’s gonna be hard. You can do it though, I know you can.” 

“Are you ready? I’m gonna move us in three, two, on-“ 

“KAGEYAMA! HINATA! COVER YOUR FACES!” Somebody yelled suddenly from outside of the window next to them.

“Huh?” Hinata sounded confused, but Kageyama registered quickly what was about to happen. 

“They’re gonna smash the window and pull us out. Cover your face so the glass doesn’t cut it, okay?” Kageyama explained in a rush. 

“Okay.” 

“WE’RE READY!” Kaeyama called back through the palms of his hands, throat screaming at him in protest as he did so. 

He heard the glass shatter before he felt it. Hinata’s weight from against him disappeared before he even had a chance to react. Hinata whimpered as his body left the bus, and Kageyama felt his heart crack a little at the pained noise. 

“Kageyama!” He yelled weakly, with distress. 

“I’m coming next, Shoyo, it’s okay!” Kageyama reassured. 

“I’ve got you.” A shaken yet stubborn voice muttered. Kageyama realized it belonged to Suga. The vice captain reached through and latched his hands around Kageyamas bicep and begun to tug. 

Kageyama was a lot bigger then Hinata, and so it took significantly longer for them to remove his body from the wreck. Once he was finally free, he fell a few feet and landed jarringly against the cold ground, half of his back pressed awkwardly against Suga’s heaving chest. 

“Kageyama, are you okay?!” Suga asked, his usually cheerful voice thick with worry. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kageyama brushed him off, sitting up with a grunt. “Where’s Hinata?” 

“He’s over there, with Daichi.” Suga grumbled as he followed his junior in sitting up, pointing to the two silhouettes closest to them. 

A spine chilling roar came suddenly from the bus, as the entire thing burst into flame. 

“Shit. Fuck. Get back” Suga cursed, grabbing Kageyama once again and dragging them both away from the heat. 

The area surrounding them was covered in an orangey red light, as if they were being illuminated by a sunset in spring, and not a raging fire. Kageyama saw the scene around him properly for the first time, and it made his already wobbly stomach drop. 

There was Yamaguchi, his freckled face uncommonly pale, coated in thick blood and tear tracks. Tsukkishima’s face was resting in the pinch servers lap, unmoving. His glasses were shattered, the eyes behind them open and glassy, staring at nothing. 

Noya was yelling something wetly at Tanaka, receiving no reply. He plummeted his tiny fists against the chest of his best friend - again, receiving no reaction. Asahi placed a hand on Noya’s shoulder, whispering something softly to him with a grimace. Whatever it was, it caused Noya to crumble into Asahi. 

Kiyoko cried to herself silently as she cradled her girlfriend against her chest protectively. Kageyama could see, even from where he was so far away, that Yachi was shaking like a leaf in her arms. 

Takeda was standing slightly away from it all, a hand clasped over his face as he stared around the sight in utter shock, taking it all in disbelievingly. Ukai was crouched by him, throwing up. 

None of that mattered though, at least not right now.

He needed to be by Hinata’s side. Right now. 

‘Shoyo!” Kageyama scampered over to where Daichi was holding Hinata and reached out to his forehead, pushing the tangled orange curls that rested there out of the way with care so he could see Hinata’s face more clearly. 

“Tobio.” Hinata opened an eye, reaching up and grabbing the hand that was playing with his hair to hold it in his own. 

“Is he okay?” Kageyama asked after a beat, looking to Daichi now. 

“Kageyama…” Daichi trailed off sadly and his brown eyes found Kageyama’s blue ones. “I’m so sorry.” 

Kageyama hadn’t even realized Daichi was covering Hinata’s stomach with his hands until he lifted them away. When he did, they came away coated in red. 

Blood. 

Hinata’s blood. 

So, so much of it. 

“No.” Kageyama sobbed. “No, no, no.” 

“Kageyama, please, stop crying.” Hinatas eyes were closed again, so he couldn’t see the tears, but he could feel the vibrations they caused as they shook Kageyama’s body. “I’m okay. We’re going to be okay.” 

“No, we’re not!” Kageyama snapped, but immediately regretted it when he saw Hinata flinch. 

“I’ll give you two some time alone.” Daichi passed Hinata over completely to Kageyama before he moved on, probably on his way to go and console Yamaguchi or another one of his other teammates. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Kageyama said as softly as he could, lowering Hinata’s head onto his lap, so they were now in a position very similar to the one he had seen Tsukkishima and Yamaguchi in earlier. 

“It’s okay, ‘Yama. You were right. I’m not going to be okay.” 

“No, Hinata, don’t say things like that. I was just being negative as always. The ambulances and stuff will get here soon, and they’ll take care of you.” 

“Kageyama, I don’t have much time left - and you know it. Please don’t waste it with silly lies like that.” 

“Don’t just give up, Hinata, damn it! You’ve never been a quitter, don’t you fucking dare start now!” Kageyama tried to sound assertive, but it came out begging. “We just have to stop the bleeding, yeah? I can do that.” He took his jacket off, goosebumps erupting over his arms as the crisp nighttime air hit them. 

“Kageyama, no, stop it.” Hinata pushed the jacket away before Kageyama could use it to apply pressure to the gaping hole in his stomach. “I’ve already lost too much blood.” He had been trying not to show it, for Kageyama’s sake, but as he said those words it hit him how terrified he actually was. He didn’t want to die. 

There was one thing he desperately wanted though. 

“Just kiss me one last time before I go, would you? That’s all I need. Please?” 

Kageyama had never been able to say no to Hinata. 

He leaned down until their lips pressed together. Hinata’s entire body sagged gratefully as they finally met, relaxing into the kiss. He hooked his arm around the back of Kageyama’s neck and laced his thin fingers into Kageyama’s straight, black hair. Even now, he felt butterflies flutter in the depth of his stomach at the unbelievably soft texture of his boyfriends hair.

“I love you, Tobio. So, so much.” Hinata told him as Kageyama pulled back slightly and rested their foreheads together. They were impossibly close, breathing the same air. 

“I love you too, Shou.” Kageyama began to cry again as he talked. “Shoyo, please, don’t leave me here alone - I’m too weak, I can’t do it without you…I’m nothing without you.” 

“Don’t ever say that again, dumbass. It may be hard, but you can get through it. You’re so strong, it always amazed me. And you could never, ever be nothing. You’re everything. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, I love you, I love you.” Hinata repeated it like a mantra. 

“I need you to make me a promise. I know you’re gonna try and push everyone away, but please don’t. There are other people who care about you, Tobio. People who love you. Promise me you’ll let them help you.” 

Kageyama had lost the ability to form words. He could no longer force them out through the sobs racking his chest. 

He kissed Hinata again instead, hoping that it said all of the things he couldn’t.

 _“Yes, I promise - of course I do. I’d agree to anything if it was you asking. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me as well. You made me better in a way I didn’t even think was possible. I can’t do this without you. Please don’t go. I wanted to grow old with you, to spend forever being better together. God, why did it have to be you? You don’t deserve this. Why am I not the one bleeding out right now? I would give anything and everything for the roles to be reversed.”_

Eventually, Hinata’s lips stopped moving against his. They stopped struggling to suck in air, and quickly turned cold. 

The arms around Kageyams neck turned lax. 

He was gone. 

“I’m sorry, Shoyo. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you.” 

Kageyama lifted Hinata’s head out of his lap, and laid him flat on the dewy grass. Then, he rested his head down upon the boys chest, too tired to hold his own body up anymore.

If ignored the fact that the heart under his ear wasn’t beating, it could almost pass as one of the many nights spent sleeping over at Hinata’s, huddled together in his single futon. 

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

The next time Kageyama was woken it was not to the sound of screams, but to the steady beeping of bedside hospital machines and the aggressive smell of disinfectant. 

He looked around the room, taking in his surroundings. He was in a standard, white washed private room. Suga was sitting in the single chair placed next to the pillows where Kageyama’s head was positioned uncomfortably. Looking down, Kageyama could see a cast covering the arm which he had guessed to be broken. 

“Suga?” Kageyama’s voice sounded croaky, and thick with sleep. 

Suga’s head shot up in an instant from where he had been staring at his phone, eyebrows creased. 

“Tobio! You’re awake.” 

Suga had never used his given name before. He couldn’t say he was very found of it, honestly. It had always been something he felt only Hinata had the right to. But he guessed that wasn’t really an option anymore. 

“How many of the others are dead?” Kageyama questioned bluntly. Suga didn’t seem phased. 

“Three.” He said grimly. “Tsukkishima, Tanaka and…” 

“And Hinata.” Kageyama finished. “Its okay, Suga, you don’t have to be gentle with me. I saw it happen.” 

“I’m sorry. It’s just that when we checked on the two of you, you had already passed out - we didn’t know if he passed before or after that happened.” 

Kageyama only nodded, not bothering to give a response. 

“Is there anything you need? How can I help?” Suga asked, placing a hand on top of Kageyama’s thigh. 

Kageyama shook it off. 

“Nothing. Thank you. I just want to be alone, actually.” 

“Okay, if that’s what you want. I’m not leaving completely though, I’ll be next door in Yamaguchi’s room if you need me. Please don’t hesitate to ask, Tobio.” Suga gave a small smile. 

“I don’t want your help, Suga, god! You’re not him! So just go away!” Kageyama yelled, Suga’s kind words and smiles turning his vision white and hot with rage. 

How could anyone be so calm right now, as if their entire world hadn’t just crumbled into a million tiny pieces from beneath their feet?

“Of course.” Suga bowed his head apologetically and stood up to leave. 

He stopped with a hand on the door, pausing for a moment to consider something. 

“The funerals are already being planned. Tanaka and Tsukkishima on Thursday, Hinata the following day. You should be there, for his at least.” And with that, he stepped out the door. 

Kageyama was not going to any funeral, he already knew that much. He would rather walk across fields of cut glass completely barefoot than sit through hours of generic service lead by people who didn’t even know Hinata. 

Kageyama was already sick of being awake. He didn’t want to cry again, didn’t even want to think. 

He turned onto his side, so that his broken arm rested upon the hip which was facing up, and closed his eyes. Begging for his brain to shut down, and for sleep to take him once more. 

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

Time had lost all meaning. 

How long had past since the accident, he didn’t know. If he had to guess, he would say a few weeks. 

After being released from hospital, Kageyama had forced his older sister to bring him straight home. As soon as he was through the front door, he had walked up the stairs and locked himself inside of his small bedroom. 

He didn’t leave his bed for days on end, expect to make the short walk to the bathroom when he absolutely had to. 

He thought he had found the one (and only) person in the world who understood him, and wanted him around; no matter how much he doubted it sometimes. Now that person was gone, he had no interest in going back out into the world without him.

After a while, he got so hungry he couldn’t stand it anymore. He floated numbly down to the kitchen when the light peeking through his blinds was at its brightest and he knew his entire family would be at work. After grabbing as many random items of food he could possibly carry in one trip, he returned the way he had come. 

Since then, he had been living off of those pitiful supplies. He had no appetite, but somehow still occasionally managed to force a meal or two down between periods of fevered sleep. 

He never dreamed, not really. 

Occasionally, flashes of tangled orange hair and fading brown eyes would dance across his eyelids or the sound of his own screams and sobs from that night would dance like ghosts around his ears - but he never truly dreamt. 

He hadn’t talked to another human properly since that first day in the hospital with Suga. He didn’t plan on doing so anytime soon either. 

Things never really went according to plan for him though. This was proven one day, when he had finally made his way through all of the food stored in his room and he was staring up at the cracked ceiling and pondering if it was safe to go in search of more or not. 

His bedroom door was thrown open without any knocks or warning, two figures standing in the frame together, one significantly smaller then the other. 

The smaller one stepped inside and flipped the lights on. They flickered for a few seconds, after not having been used in such a long time. 

He realised the two figures in the doorway were actually Noya and Yamaguchi. 

“What do you want?” Kageyama spat as they approached. He didn’t recognize the sound of his own voice, he hadn’t heard it in so long. 

“You’re getting up and coming to practice with us.” Yamaguchi said simply.

“Huh?” Kageyama blinked. That was not what he had been expecting. 

“Exactly what he said.” Noya stepped closer to the bed. “We’re going to practice and taking you with us.” 

“Fuck off. I’m not going anywhere.” Kageyama pulled the duvet over his head, not wanting to look at his old friends any longer. They had been Hinata’s friends too. They were just a reminder of what he had lost. 

He screamed in protest as the blankets were hastily ripped back off of him. 

“Nope. Everyone else is going - you’re not getting out of this, Kageyama.” Noya shook a finger belonging to the hand that was not currently holding Kageyama’s bedding. 

Kageyama rolled his eyes and covered his face with one of the pillows near him. 

“You can’t make me.” He groaned through fabric and feathers. 

“Kageyama, you know he wouldn’t want you to lock yourself away like this.” Yamaguchi whispered.

His eyes snapped open and he whipped the pillow back, sitting up so quickly it made the room spin. 

“Don’t you dare use him to try and guilt me!” Kageyama bellowed.

But he couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to the promise he had made. 

_“I know you’re gonna try and push everyone away, but please don’t.”_

Hinata had always known him better then he knew himself. 

“I’m sorry for yelling, Yamaguchi.” He sighed, dropping his head into his hands. “You’re right. He would hate that I’ve isolated myself like this.” 

“So you’ll come?!” Noya asked, perking up. 

“Ugh.” Kageyama threw his legs over the side of the mattress so they landed against the bedroom floor. “Yes. I’ll come.” 

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

Walking into the gym for the first time was harder then he could have ever possibly imagined. 

It was difficult enough to escape memories of Hinata in the darkness of his own home but here…

This had been their spot. It was where they had reunited for the first time after Middle School when they both unknowingly joined the same High School (Hinata had loved to gloat it was fate, and Kageyama had secretly agreed with him), and where they had nailed the quick attack which meant so much to the both of them for the very first time. 

The entire building was teeming with special moments from their past together that threatened to bring Kageyama to his knees as they overwhelmed him with the reminder of just how special the bond he and Hinata shared had been. The bond that was now forever gone, broken and unable to piece back together. 

Heads turned as their group of three walked in. Everyone else was already there, just as Yamaguchi had said they would be.

Everyone expect the single person he wished to see the most, that was. 

He supposed the two boys standing on each side of him would being feeling the exact same. 

If he was a better person, he may have tried to say something to comfort them. He wasn’t though. Hinata had always been the kinder one in their relationship, and the only one who could bring out the small capacity Kageyama had to act that way. 

“Hey, guys. I’m glad you could make it.” Daichi called from where he was setting up the nets with Suga and Asahi. 

“Wouldn’t miss it, Captain.” Noya mocked with a wink, and shot him thumbs up. He walked happily over to Asahi to help the Third Year with his net. 

Kageyama guessed it must take an edge off of the pain, still having your significant other around and them not being the one to pass, if Noya was already acting so cheerful this shortly after Tanaka died. 

It was just Kageyama and Yamaguchi left standing there awkwardly now.

“You okay?” Yamaguchi asked, turning towards him. 

Kageyama nodded, even though he was the furthest thing from okay. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go join them. I’m just gonna watch for a while.” 

“Alright…” Yamaguchi agreed, even if he sounded unsure. “I’m really proud of you for coming today, by the way.” He patted Kageyama on shoulder before he ran off to join Yachi and Kiyoko, who were sitting together off to the side reading something on Yachi’s phone. 

Kiyoko had an arm around Yachi and Kageyama felt a pang of jealously shot through him at the sight. 

He knew it was horrible but he couldn’t help wondering, seeing them together like that, what the hell they did differently to him and Hinata to deserve a happy ending. 

“Okay, let's get started, shall we?” Daichi asked the team (or what remained of it) once they had finished with the nets. 

Kageyama ignored this and instead sat on the ground as far away from the others as possible. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on top of them. 

He genuinely had no interest in playing right now. 

It kind of scared him, actually. Volleyball used to be the only thing he thought of, the reason he woke up in the morning. But slowly, without Kageyama even noticing the change, Hinata had quickly replaced volleyball. 

The game had only been fun to him then because he had finally found somebody that matched his level of dedication, and who could come close to keeping up with him. Without that somebody, he knew it just wouldn’t be the same anymore. 

No body else seemed to be struggling with this. They all practiced happily in front of him, knowing better then to come over and try to coax him to join in. Getting him there had been challenging enough. 

Yamaguchi executed a partially good serve then, one even Noya couldn’t receive. It inspired a few proud cheers from his teammates, echoing around the gym. Caught up in the moment, he turned around with a wide smile to where Tsukkishima would usually be standing. 

“Tsukki, did you see that-“ He went to say but stopped, his entire body freezing over when he found the space empty and quickly remembered. 

How the hell could he forget? 

They were all dead quiet, staring at Yamaguchi in shock. Suddenly, he burst into tears and ran out the gym door, followed quickly by a stoney faced Suga and a fretting Yachi. 

“Whats wrong with him?” Kageyama wondered aloud once they were gone, his confusion at the outburst clear. 

“He’s grieving.” Noya answered flatly from the other side of the net that Yamaguchi had been standing in front of, his features unusually serious. “He lost his best friend and the love of his life at the same time. I think you should understand that better than anyone else here.” And with that, he followed in Suga and Yachi’s footsteps and moved outside to comfort Yamaguchi. 

Kageyama thought it was his cue to leave as well - he had seen more then enough. 

And besides, there were two other places he wanted to visit before the day was over. 

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

“I’m sorry I haven’t visited you yet.” 

“I haven’t done anything in weeks, actually. I’m sure you’d tease me for that if you were here. Probably call me a fat ass or something.” Kageyama laughed a little at that. He crossed his legs, settling down in front of the gravestone. 

He probably should have brought flowers or something. That would have been the correct thing for a boyfriend to do - but he had never been very good at doing boyfriend things correctly. Hinata had never seemed to mind though. 

“God, I miss you so much.” He muttered, reaching forward to trace his fingers gently over the engraving of Hinata’s name. “So, so much.” 

“I did something today, that I thought you might be proud of. You’d probably call me a badass, actually. And I’d blush like an idiot. You always were great at getting me to blush, Shoyo.” 

“I got a tattoo, if you’re wondering.” Kageyama said, continuing to talk to the slab of concrete in front of him as if it could ever possibly reply. “I was surprised, the artist didn’t even question how old I was.” 

“I wanted to get something to remind me of you.” He looked at the inside of his ring finger, where there was now a sun inked in black, surrounded by irritated red skin and covered in clear wrap to prevent infection. 

“A sun, because you lit up my life and the lives of everyone around you in a way that could only be compared to the sun. It’s pretty damn cheesy, I guess, but I don’t really give a fuck. I’m more than happy to be cheesy for you. It’s what you deserve.” 

“I got it on my ring finger, since I’ll never be able to wear a band that ties me to you there. I wanted it though. I wanted everything with you - a wedding, a house…even a family. I know that probably sounds crazy, having it all planned out, considering I’m only sixteen. But you were the one for me, Shoyo, the only one. There could never possibly be anybody else.” 

‘I’ll try not to think about what could of been, though. I know that’s the opposite of what you would have wanted. I’m going to do my best to keep going, Shou, and to not push people away. I’ll stick to the promise I made you. I know I’ll never be able to move on or find somebody new - but I’ll do my best to keep living, it’s the least I can do for you.” 

Kageyama sat there, feeling the most at peace he had in weeks, until the sun was dropping beneath the hills on the horizon and the birds were singing their final songs as they flew home for the night. 

He had just one more thing he felt he had to say before he left. 

“I love you, Hinata Shoyo. I love that your hair is so stupidly bright I never lost you in a crowd. I love the look you would give me after you hit a partially good set of mine, as if I just handed you the entire world. I love that you never stopped smiling and laughing when we studied together, no matter how badly we were both struggling with the work. I love how you would wrap all around me when we cuddled and how pretty you would look when you fell asleep right after. I love that you showed me how I didn’t have to be alone anymore, and how I became better because of it. I love you with every breath that I take, with every beat of my heart, with ounce of my, soul, with every fiber of my being - and I’ll never, ever stop.”

**Author's Note:**

> ......yikes
> 
> i'm so so sorry for this ya'll 
> 
> thank you so much for reading though, even if i'm not the best writer - i really appreciate it! x  
> feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments, whatever they are :)
> 
> ALSO: this hasn’t been edited/beta-ed by anyone but myself and i know for a fact i missed heaps of errors so please let me know if you see any 😭


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